Incoherent thoughts on a tragedy

I have started and stopped several different posts lately. I don’t know what the trouble is, exactly. I just don’t have the motivation to finish any of them.

Today, though, I’m sad. Very, very sad. The world is full of harshness and pain and suffering and unfairness, but the vast majority of it is nothing compared with what happened in Connecticut today. I am incapable of processing how a person can murder dozens of children. How someone’s mind, no matter how deranged, could believe shooting elementary students would in any way solve a problem. How after pulling the trigger one time and taking a single tiny life wouldn’t cause them to toss their gun to the floor and weep for what they’ve done.

How do you go on after your 5-year-old’s life is taken in a place where he was meant to be safe and protected?

Today I feel angry.

We live in a dangerous world, we live in an uncaring world, and we live in a terrible, awful, hideous world. Hurting anyone is reprehensible, but injuring a child is the lowest of the low. It makes you less than human. It makes you a monster.

And today I feel confused. I want to have a baby, but events like this one make me question that choice.

I don’t have any coherent thoughts today. I’m just processing, like all of us who are affected indirectly. Every place in my heart goes out to the Newtown community, especially to the children who showed up at school this morning eager to finish the year before winter break.

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